http://firstwivesworld.com Comments for "News Article" en http://firstwivesworld.com/relevant-news/juliesavard/study-men-hit-harder-divorce#comment-5458 Thank you for your insight, Lauren. Wed, 14 May 2008 18:01:02 -0400 Wanda Woodard comment 5458 at http://firstwivesworld.com http://firstwivesworld.com/relevant-news/juliesavard/study-men-hit-harder-divorce#comment-5453 For the men in the study, it sounds like they were the ones whose spouses left the marriage. What about those who did the leaving? And what about those who did the leaving but never left? My own story is that after 8 years and two children, when I asked for a teenager to hire to drive the kids to soccer practice, he asked for a divorce. (No, I swear I'm not exaggerating) He then did not move out. He said he didn't have the money. I had the job. So I had to move -- away from the house that I built and paid for, away from the kids' schools, away from their home. Now he still lives in that house, and has moved his girlfriend in. SO... Seriously, don't listen to the crying of the few "wronged" dudes who would have their buddies believing that we are a race of hideous, hateful, whores. We pull it together, keep the kids afloat, manage our new lives, and do the best we can from day to day. All while wearing heels and dancing backward, right? Stay strong, girls. Wed, 14 May 2008 00:05:45 -0400 laurengray comment 5453 at http://firstwivesworld.com http://firstwivesworld.com/relevant-news/juliesavard/study-men-hit-harder-divorce#comment-5404 We are always thrilled to find lively discussions taking place on the site and welcome all thoughts and comments. We feel that open discussion engenders the concept of the dynamic community we originally envisioned. However, we ask that you keep in mind that not one of us has the "right" answer to all of life's issues. Suggestions and opinions are encouraged, but comments that attack the personal integrity of members of our community will be removed from the site. --FWW staff Thu, 08 May 2008 19:46:54 -0400 Guest comment 5404 at http://firstwivesworld.com http://firstwivesworld.com/relevant-news/juliesavard/study-men-hit-harder-divorce#comment-5368 you keep bringing up cheating....why? none of the women here have said anything about cheating. you clearly have an issue. and you have a right to be angry. but stop lashing out at us. and wanda, i'm glad to hear you are well paid. let's celebrate. Wed, 07 May 2008 19:19:59 -0400 Guest comment 5368 at http://firstwivesworld.com http://firstwivesworld.com/relevant-news/juliesavard/study-men-hit-harder-divorce#comment-5367 i know a lot of divorced women. things don't stay the same. we don't always keep the house. we may keep the kids, but we lose the support. divorce is hard on everyone. but you know what....and this goes for all of the nasty negative post you have made towards the women that are on this site......this site is called first WIVES world. it is a support site for women. and just like men need a safe place to say anything they want, so do we. it doesn't make us man haters. you bash wanda directly. she is making generalizations based on her personal experience. is she fat, lazy, a failure at relationships? is this why she is divorced......no. she is a victim. read her post and you'll know. she lived with a man that was abusive, an alcoholic and a drug user. she's only a few years out of a very bad relationship. and if it takes her being a little angry to heal, well that is one of the steps. by the way, most of us on this site are intelligent women that understand we all have stories and opinions. we are all growing and healing. none of us are stupid enough to use this site to make life altering decisions. oh, and about us being intelligent women.......it's not that hard to tell where post come from and when someone is pretending to be different people. perhaps you should use your energy to create a support site for men that are in happy long term relationships with perfect women. let us use ours in the manner it was intended. Wed, 07 May 2008 19:16:09 -0400 Guest comment 5367 at http://firstwivesworld.com http://firstwivesworld.com/relevant-news/juliesavard/study-men-hit-harder-divorce#comment-5360 in a divorce, they lose everyhting and the lady life stays relatively the same - except for him being around. they keep the house, the friends, the car, the school system, the children, the money.. they only lose the marriage.. if women had more to lose in a divorce.. like guys do.. tehy would spend more time working on the marriage...if a cheating wife could lose the house , lose custody of the kids they would work harder at the marriage .. believe me... Men after divorce, find themselves in small apartments, writing spousal support checks and allimony checks, while the wife keeps the house, the kids, and gets a new man to sleep with them in the husbands bed! that is why guys are depressed dummies! IN A DIVORCE MEN LOSE EVERYTHING, WOMEN JUST LOSE THE HUSBAND... use you heads ! Wed, 07 May 2008 14:58:02 -0400 Guest comment 5360 at http://firstwivesworld.com http://firstwivesworld.com/relevant-news/juliesavard/study-men-hit-harder-divorce#comment-5348 I wouldn't mind seeing the source of this study to better understand the context, Julie. I think we'd be hard pressed to find a woman on this site that believes it could be that simple.....men hit harder by divorce than women.....not so much. I think the other two posters summed it up quite accurately. Often women do not have the time to "be" depressed. Doesn't mean they aren't, only that we don't have the time to wallow in it. Besides, men and women handle things differently. So to try to say who is more effected just doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Women tend to have more of a willingness to find a support network through friends, family, church, whatever. Like Cathy said, men tend to look for something or someone they can blame so they can immediately "fix" the problem. Yep, I'd like to analyze that study. Can you send me the link? Wed, 07 May 2008 08:29:07 -0400 Guest comment 5348 at http://firstwivesworld.com http://firstwivesworld.com/relevant-news/juliesavard/study-men-hit-harder-divorce#comment-5338 Good point, Cathy. You gave what I believe to be a clear, unbiased viewpoint that is, indeed, truth founded. Way to go. Tue, 06 May 2008 17:04:06 -0400 Wanda Woodard comment 5338 at http://firstwivesworld.com http://firstwivesworld.com/relevant-news/juliesavard/study-men-hit-harder-divorce#comment-5337 The difference between men and women is that women look internally to solve emotional problems. When they are hit with depression, they take an inventory of what they may be doing or may have done to cause their negative feelings. Men look externally to try to find out what may be causing their negative feelings. This inability to look internally is, in my opinion what keeps them from seeking therapy, seeking out friends as a support system and eventually realizing they played a role in the problems that got them where they are. I love men, love most everything about them but I will be forever frustrated by their inability to admit they need help. The thing that bothers me about this study is that it is just one more thing men can blame on women. Some woman caused their depression because she wanted a divorce. It is just one more excuse for not taking an internal inventory and taking responsibility for their own feelings. The truth is, divorce stinks for anyone who goes through it...bottom line. I've been divorced for nine years. My ex, who wanted the divorce, is still angry because I ruined his life. He walked away, left me with two children to raise alone, my own depression to deal with yet in his mind I'm the bad guy. I moved on, did what I had to do to heal and got on with my life. He, on the other hand has seen his children once in five years, refuses to communicate with me and I'm sure is deeply depressed because he refuses to acknowledge he may have a problem and may need help. Show me a study that states why men are "hit harder" by divorce and I will back it 100%. Until then, I refuse to have pity on a gender that refuses to help itself. Tue, 06 May 2008 16:53:22 -0400 Cathy Meyer comment 5337 at http://firstwivesworld.com http://firstwivesworld.com/relevant-news/juliesavard/study-men-hit-harder-divorce#comment-5332 Yes, men do tend to "hide" their feelings, especially around other men. But, I just have little sympathy for men. My experience has been that women always wind up with the short end of the stick overall. And, though you are a man, scientific studies are not real life. I've lived from Anchorage to Biloxi, I've seen relationships come and go for myself and for others. You might very well be an exceptional man, but for the most part, I think men tend to be self-centered. Their depression comes from their inability to actually look at the situation at hand and recognize their errors and faults. My ex has been depressed for two and a half years. He still will not admit he did anything wrong. He's unhappy, but he doesn't really understand that his happiness will only come when he owns up to his faults, sees his mistakes and recognizes his responsibilities. If Stinky would do what he should (by his children, not me) he could feel better about himself as a human being knowing that he was actually helping his young children move forward in their life. Instead he chooses to sit in his one of three homes, bury himself in self pity and continue to blame the ex-wife. I can only speak from my own personal experience and that of all the other women in my life that I have known that have been screwed by men, both literally and figuratively. I know. I know. I'm cynical. I'm jaded. But not about life in general. I don't hold it against MEN that my marriage sucked. In fact, I like men. I just don't want any man in my life ever again. They give nothing without a condition. Women, on the other hand, love unconditionally. Again, only the men and women that I have known. I cannot speak for the entire population. Yeah, I can really pick 'em, huh. But, love is blind is it not. Say, wanna have a drink? (a little levity to wrap things up) Tue, 06 May 2008 14:59:54 -0400 Wanda Woodard comment 5332 at http://firstwivesworld.com http://firstwivesworld.com/relevant-news/juliesavard/study-men-hit-harder-divorce#comment-5330 I don't know, Wanda. I think you're reading it wrong. You make a distinction between "hit harder" and "depression". But the study is ABOUT depression. It's depression they're referring to when they say "hit harder by". You're likely right about the other aspects you mention; women may very well have a harder time than men. But this was a 10-YEAR scientific study on DEPRESSION, and the results are pretty definitive. It also makes sense to me. As the study suggests, men don't seek out confidants and support like women do. Men tend to hide their feelings publicly, especially around other men. So they may SEEM okay on the outside, but inside they might be DYING. And they frequently look for comfort in dumb places (drinking, casual sex, expensive toys, etc). And I say that as a MAN...a man who has historically handled break-ups very poorly...much worse than my ex's. And please don't think we all just miss our "maids" and "cooks". That might have been your ex (he sounds like a gem!), but it's not ALL of us! Tue, 06 May 2008 14:00:14 -0400 Guest comment 5330 at http://firstwivesworld.com http://firstwivesworld.com/relevant-news/juliesavard/study-men-hit-harder-divorce#comment-5324 Yeah, men probably do get more depressed (I know Stinky is), but Men are definitely not "hit Harder" by divorce. Every single woman I know who has been divorced has had to struggle to overcome some very difficult almost impossible hurdles. The reason "men" get more depressed is because they have "more" time on their hands. Women don't get to stop. Ever. We're too busy making sure everyone else involved in the divorce does not fall apart (our children in particular). We're too busy trying to find a way to make ends meet. We don't get to have the luxury of feeling sorry for ourself. Men are such big babies. Geesh! And if one woman in their past ever did them wrong, all their future women end up paying for it. Regarding this study, "there's something rotten in the state of Denmark (Canada)" and I'm guessing its because the survey is simply biased -- designed to make us (women) "feel" for the poor, poor divorced men. Ok. Wow! That was some venting. I will say that some men, a very small percentage, may suffer more due to their divorce, but I would say the overwhelming majority are getting just what they deserved. They've lost their maid, their mistress, their cook, their nanny. This report sounds like bullshit to me, but thank you for sharing it. It's important for us to know what is being said out there. Tue, 06 May 2008 11:21:52 -0400 Wanda Woodard comment 5324 at http://firstwivesworld.com http://firstwivesworld.com/relevant-news/donna-carlisle/trump-dump#comment-5270 Not nice. You don't know what happens in the bedroom! Thu, 01 May 2008 19:23:04 -0400 Guest comment 5270 at http://firstwivesworld.com http://firstwivesworld.com/relevant-news/maureen-dempsey/celebs-sign-hot-flashes#comment-5217 How was this? And. Can I come next time??? LOL! Wow! This must have been something to experience! Mon, 28 Apr 2008 16:15:37 -0400 Wanda Woodard comment 5217 at http://firstwivesworld.com http://firstwivesworld.com/relevant-news/maureen-dempsey/lengthy-divorce-bankrupts-couple#comment-5173 Why would we need couples counseling? We're divorced now... Given the four years of absolute madness that began in 2003 when my now ex-husband came home from a "business trip" (to Philadelphia...) and told me that he was leaving, I chose not to involve myself in his latest attempt, through the Plain Dealer, to perpetuate the image of himself as the victim in our divorce . To be VERY clear, the continuances and rescheduled court dates, the loss of property (which, by the way, I attempted to sell during the proceedings), the bankruptcies (did he mention that he filed as single when he was clearly still married, and that the creditors subsequently came down on ME, which forced me to file bankruptcy?), the appointments of two GAL's at his request, and the eventual decision of the Court to hold him in contempt for several violations of law (including harrassment and his illegal cessation of health insurance for both myself and our children) were all his doing. This is the second time that he has involved the media in this issues - he once called the press to disrupt one of our multiple hearings. All of this is public record. Anyone who cares to look, may do so. While I agree that our divorce took much longer than it should have, most of the delay was due to Mr. Grier's antics. He's a smooth talker - don't let him fool you. M. L. S. Grier Fri, 25 Apr 2008 08:18:44 -0400 Guest comment 5173 at http://firstwivesworld.com