firstwivesworld - How To Make Yourself Crazy - Comments

Wow.

Naomi Dunne — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 07:10:56 -0500

It's amazing how that happens, isn't it? Judges are so different.

That's brutal...

Naomi Dunne — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 07:10:19 -0500

That's a very good point. I've been lucky in that when my ex has had money, he's always been very free with it. I didn't think it was fair to complain about his occasional lack of funds after we split up - I figure he was broke while we were together, what did I think was going to happen?

You raise a good point about maturity at 26. I turned 26 this year and I'm finally starting to feel like a grown-up, 3 kids and 2 husbands later.

Child Support

Guest — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 11:18:28 -0400

I live in MD and child suppport is determined by a fixed rate dependent on the income of the parents. I was a stay at home Mom so that meant the kids father was the sole source of official child support, in a monetary sense. For two children I received just under $800.00 a month. My kids were 11 and 14 at the time.With full cusotdy,it barely covered the necessities. I used my alimony and credit cards to keep the kids from feeling the most obvious part of the divorce. I am now in a lot of debt but I would not change one decision I made. My crazy feelings about child support come up when I look back and see all the expenses that come up ie,your 121/2 year old son grows out of his sneakers in 2 months and your daughter wants the special prom dress, and the child support check has long since disappeared.
My other issue is, at least in my family, my kids are still dependent on me for support,both emotional and financial. My daughter is 22, getting a masters degree and needs help and my son, a sophmore in college
needs it also. And both have a terrific work ethic taking summer jobs and work study programs at school. When all the psychcology reports say that kids are not fully mature until 26, 18 seems a bit premature to pull the plug for child support.
When you are the sole emotional support for the children the financial support becomes one more aggravation that maintains a wound that never seems to heal.

Unfair

Guest — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 23:14:50 -0400

In my situation. I did not recieve child support for my two children but had to pay support for my daughter{ Second husband}

How To Make Yourself Crazy

Naomi Dunne — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 09:30:11 -0400

What is it about child support that turns normal, intelligent women into psychopaths? I've done it. Every divorced woman I know has done it. We go from completely rational to hysterical in the span of less than ten seconds.

In Canada, except for in the most extenuating circumstances, child support amounts are determined by pre-existing tables based on the number of children and the income of the non-custodial parent. No consideration is given to the income of the custodial parent, which always made me uncomfortable.

I made a lot more than my husband did, and I felt weird taking his money. That didn't mean I wasn't going to get all up in arms when his $117 came on a Thursday instead of a Wednesday.

I know in many other countries, child support amounts are determined by the mood of the judge on the day the decision was made. Maybe we feel cheated. Maybe we feel entitled. Quite possibly, we feel powerless. Probably, we don't like being reminded that in some way, we are dependent on this man until our children turn eighteen.

Child support is such an ugly business. It turns the raising of a child into a mercenary matter and not a family one. It's necessary but it's tragic, and for now, it's the only system we have.

How are child support payments determined where you live? Do you think it's an equitable system, or do you think it's weighted in the favor of one party over another? Tell me what you think.