firstwivesworld - I Dream of Levi - Comments http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/faith-eggers/i-dream-levi Comments for "I Dream of Levi" en I Dream of Levi http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/faith-eggers/i-dream-levi <p>Last night I dreamed of Levi again. This time I dreamed that I was in Los Angeles with my friends, and that Levi came to visit us. </p><p>It was just like old times, with drinks, conversation, laughter, and music. Except that I was not the old, naive me, I was the new me, the older, wiser, mother of an almost two year old boy whose father abandoned him. That version of me. </p><p>I like her so much more.</p><p>In the dream we are at this party and we finally sit down to have dinner. Levi is sitting across from me, and I am struck with the realization that I don't feel anything; no pain, no anger, no emotion what so ever. I marvel at that for a second, and then feel giddy.</p><p>Then, he stares at me. Stares right into my eyes.</p><p>And it hits me. </p><p>That disgusting raw feeling, that feeling like you've been socked in the stomach; it’s the feeling that comes when you have pain, disappointment, anger, pity, and hurt all rolled into one.</p><p>Then the tears come and I try to hold them back as I excuse myself from the table.</p><p>In my dream, Levi followed me outside and we talked. In my dream he told me that he was sorry that he failed me, that he missed me.</p><p>In reality, I know he would never do that.</p><p>I woke up again thinking, What the hell is the matter with me? </p><p>Then I realized that I've done this before. See <a href="/community/vibrant-voices/faith-eggers/my-ex-invading-my-dreams">here.</a> </p><p>It seems that since my divorce, every time I have an opportunity to have a somewhat serious relationship with another man — a man I really like — I dream of Levi, and I start having serious doubts. </p><p>I'm glad that I've noticed the pattern. It helps that I’ve been blogging about this, so there’s a record, and I can recognize these patterns.</p><p>Even if I'm still unclear as to what it all means.</p> http://www.firstwivesworld.com/community/house-bloggers/faith-eggers/i-dream-levi#comments blog divorce Mind and Spirit Moving Beyond Divorce Thu, 24 Jul 2008 15:22:24 -0400 Faith Eggers 7396 at http://www.firstwivesworld.com