firstwivesworld - Inlaws and the Decision to Go - Comments

MIL

KarenC — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 14:02:44 -0400

Since my family were/are not regular church goers it seemed reasonable to have our wedding at the church where he grew up. The day of our wedding I wanted a few last minutes with my mom before the service, but there was his mother telling me that the ceremony was supposed to be starting and I should get going. I pointed out that she needed to get going as well and my mother left to keep the peace. Over the years she would say or do something hurtful, often while he was out of town on business, never in his presence. When I would tell him about it he always said he was going to speak to her, but he never did. He and his brothers had been taught by their father that they could say what they want to dad, but watch how you talk to your mother. Over the years she has gotten crabbier and meaner. I don't miss her.

inlaws

Dorotheaa — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 19:17:27 -0400

This screams of poor communication within the family. I have been known to be abrupt and rude, however, they also give me the gold medal for everyone knowing exactly how I feel. If your hubby won't do the dirty deed and you really want to stay married (or at least try) tell your in laws exactly how you feel and what they can and can't do in your world....or home.... If your husband doesn't get over it...counseling wouldn't have helped anyway and get it done.... Hope you are able to resolve your in laws..however, suffering a quiet mental storm is not going to make your life good....in the end it won't work and your prolonging the inevitable...unless you move to the other side of where they live... Wishing you success and honesty with your husband.. Dorothy from grammology www.grammology.com

Inlaws and the Decision to Go

Maya Halpen — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 09:24:12 -0400

Just how central a role do in-laws play in some women’s decisions to stay or go? For 27-year-old Nancy from Ontario, Canada, it couldn’t be simpler. “I considered leaving both of my husbands because of their mothers, quite frankly,” she said.

Indeed, a nasty in-law can be a catalyst for departure. “My current husband is a dream, but if his mother opens her mouth one more time I swear I will walk out until she is dead, and then return after the funeral like it was all an unpleasant dream,” she says.

“I wish I was joking.”

To give up on Mr. Right because of his mother would be a tragedy. On the other hand, three husbands whose mothers drive her crazy? That’s at least bad luck.

Tracy, a 34-year-old Midwesterner, suspects that a man who can’t keep his mother at bay — and out of the most important moments in their lives — might not be worth the trouble.

Her doubts about her husband started just before the birth of their first child.

“There was no way in God’s green Earth that I was going to allow his mom into the delivery room. He assured me he would tell her.”

But he didn’t, and his mother, who had made the long-distance trip just for the occasion, had other ideas.

“You’re going to have to let go of that modesty,” her mother-in-law harped early in Tracy’s labor.

In the end, Tracy had a nurse announce that all guests must leave the room.

Situation resolved.

“But now his mother reminds me of the abrupt realization I had that my husband wasn’t going to stand up for me,” she says, “even when it was incredibly important.”

The feelings about her mother-in-law persisted, and Tracy and her husband are pursuing marriage counseling to help them work through everything.

Last, Part III – Inlaws and Keeping a Marriage Together