firstwivesworld - The Date - Comments

The Date

Guest — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 21:56:59 -0400

I'm always amazed how women compare their new man to their ex hubbies without realizing the reason why newly found friendships/relationships with men post divorce are usually better is because women have higher expectations of themselves and therefore of their new mates. Go figure! I'm glad to see some women do eventually evolve from the "Knight in shining armor/take care of me phase" to nuturing adult relationships. Unfortunately, this does not usually happen until disappointment and pain occurs in a woman's life (usually base on her choices) when she stops blaming her ex for everything. Change, control, confidence, and good choices lies within. PRINCE CHARMING is a myth, so get over it! Remember men are not that complicated!

I am in the same place . . .

Guest — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 14:43:20 -0400

Faith, I completely understand where you are coming from. I, too, have started to date an great man, but I am realizing that I still have several protection walls up as we are getting to know each other. Like you, I fell giddy in love with my ex, and in turn, ended up marrying a man who cheated on me and treated me as if I was the betrayer. However, I love my life now in every way and am so grateful for divorcing him one year ago. So, when Jeff came along 6 weeks ago, I knew that I had to be as authentic as possible with him, which included my being honest about needing to take it slow, why, and what that means to me. Amazingly, it allowed me to get to know more of his deeper parts because he talked about it like adults and have talked about important issues as they are coming up. And, I actually feel very comfortable doing so with him. So, although it seems a bit odd at times that this relationship is going slower than my last, I am so glad that it is as it is allowing us to learn how each other responds to each other's barriers. Plus, it is allowing me to view him in reality instead of the full, blinding euphoria of falling in love so quickly. This time, I think I am finally proceeding into adult, conscious love which is truly what great long-term relationships are based from. Good luck in easing into getting to know this great new guy, and just know that you have everything you need inside of you to ease into your own version of an adult, conscious love.

The Date

Faith Eggers — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 09:42:24 -0400

The date went well. Very well, in fact. He seems to be a nice, honest, sincere, smart, and fun guy. Note that I said, "seems to be," because up until now, I wasn't really sure that such an animal existed. I guess I'm still not too sure.

I will say that if I had met him before the “Levi Fiasco” I would have jumped right into this. I would have gone along with the giddy feeling. I would be gushing to all of my friends.

After Levi, I am much more guarded. Now, I can't really feel around all of the walls that I've put up. It's going to be hard, I think, to trust someone again.

I remember falling in love with Levi, and how much fun it was. How euphoric it all felt. How ready I was for it.

I think about it now, I talk to my friends about it now, and I know I'm not ready to do that again. What is "falling in love," anyway? I guess it’s the "falling" part that scares me. Generally speaking, falls are not good. Generally speaking, one hurts oneself in a fall. I know that I couldn't once again deal with the devastation that comes when you lose someone you love. As a result, I worry that I'll never feel the absolute euphoria of giddy, happy, love again.

So for now, I'm just going to take it easy: remain cautious but also try (and try, and try) to relax and enjoy myself. I'll let you know how it goes.