firstwivesworld - The Half-Empty Glass Mentality - Comments

It's incredible that we

Guest — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 09:10:55 -0400

It's incredible that we don't often realize that our words can stay with us for years.. the fact that you remember what your father said to your niece when she was small speaks volumes as to how much our words affect others. We all need to think before we open our damn mouths more often.

I suppose we go keep going

Guest — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 00:34:58 -0400

I suppose we go keep going back to the same things for those reasons, but if we're not making progress, on working it out, seems to me it's time to get away from it, learn how to give ourselves the boundaries we need. Not saying I've learned how to do that, just that it would be nice. :) And PS, I'm not sure that she's always right. Very wise though.

There are worse types

elainemarleneforbes — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 15:56:21 -0400

My mom was a little like your parents. When I got 98 we looked at what I got wrong so that I knew it for next time. But with that philosophy I did graduate first in my high school class, get through university and law school at a time where there were almost no women lawyers. My job while stressful is really the only thing in my life that gives me positive feed back 40 years later. And while my mom did this she was a happly laughing person who would give anyone the shirt of her back. If she had only half a glass of milk she would have shared it with her neighbours leaving herself with a little drop. She has been dead for some time but when ever I meet someone who might have known her and ask they say "Oh Elsie" with a warm smile and a nice story about her. How she always went the extra mile. . My husband's philosophy was "good enough for government work" He had amazing academic ability and attended a school for gifted children. He never took a note or bothered to do readings or homework. He would read the text book the night before class. He was amused by and my mom's perfectionism. He has quite a successful career and is well off. People rarely remember him, those who went to school with him have no memory of him. Those from the business world who know him call him "Mack the Knfe' He is described as cagey and a person who always had the upper hand. His attitude to any interaction is that he would give 50% of his effort and expect to get back 150%. My mother gave 200% on everything. When our children or I were excited about something and throwing ourself into it he would roll his eyes or make a remark like "oh whatever' as if we were inferior for him for wanting to do it. He referred with contempt to "do-gooders' -- people who tried to contribute more than required. People who got involved in organizations were "joiners" another lowly class. People who had involved hobbies were "obsessed" Children who studied hard at school were "average' or "norms' the parents of athletes a scholars were "pushy" People who have not seen me since childhoold wonder what happened to me. What happened to my self esteem. A friend who has known me for the last 20 years and met with old friends from childhood said she was surprised at the childhood I led. That I was a child with more self esteem and more outgoing and more involved then she has known me. My sons are brighter than me and more creative then their father. They could do anything. But they lack self esteem. They are afraid to put an effort into anything. Afraid of being exploirted or laughed at. They don't want to be a do gooder or a joiner or a norm or an obsesser. They don't anyone to think that they have been "pushed" Although they are starting to find their way in their mid twenties. I have come to the conclusion that urging people to be the best they can is not necessarily the most negative thing one can do.

That type of negativity is

Guest — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 10:07:41 -0400

That type of negativity is insidious, and odious, and all the other bad words ending in ous! RBYS

The Half-Empty Glass Mentality

Elaina Goodman — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 12:00:42 -0400

The longer I'm half-in, half-out of this thing, the clearer I see myself.

I have a good friend, a therapist, who says we don't keep returning to the same type of man with the same type of issues (the ones our parents had) only because it's familiar, we keep going back for more because we're trying to work out our own issues and these are the places we can do it.

She's always right.

I was telling her the other day over lunch that I hesitate to get all the way back into it, because Sam had this underlying negative something that looks totally different than my parent's negativity. But's it exactly the same.

With my parents the glass isn't just half empty, it's cracked and leaking slowly. Present them any scenario and they go first to what could go wrong.

When my niece who just graduated high school was "hang a good paper on the fridge" age, my dad once looked at a her spelling test up there, 99 percent, and said to her "Oh, Ella, how could miss .... You know how to spell that."

She's a fabulous student. National honor society. One misspelling and it's what he sees before everything that was right.

Like I said, Sam is a different kind of negative. It's more an undercurrent, not so overt.

But it has the same effect on me. The way it feels heavy, like something weighting me down.

Whatever it is I'm trying to work out, if I leave this relationship, I plan on working solo for a long time to come.