firstwivesworld - The Secret to Letting the Anger Go - Comments

let it go

christhawkins — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 12:16:30 -0400

I get really angry when I think about all my ex has...and I don't. He seems to have the perfect life he promised me, jerk! He is remarried. Of course, she acts like she has the "real deal" with him. I find solace in knowing...he hasn't changed one bit! I KNOW this man. She's only known him for a couple of years. I have his children. She doesn't. The reason I know he hasn't changed is for one, I know him. Second, his wife's behavior toward me has changed. She used to be very, very kind and sweet and superficially nice. Now, she is rather quiet and reserved...studying me...watching me with a knowing look...like she now knows the secret. Too bad for her, and too late. Oh well. I try not to embrace these nasty little pleasures of revenge, so I just allow my joy to spring up for a sec. Actually, I pity the poor girl. She knew not what she did. I did. I take comfort in knowing that my ex can put on whatever show he wants, but I still know the truth. I know who he is and what he is...and I am better off without him! He is the one with the problems. Yes, we have problems; I know. I'm talking about the marital ones...not being faithful, blaming one's spouse for everything wrong under the sun, being a control freak, etc. It has taken me many years to figure out I might have been a small part of the problem, but now I am the solution. It is my choice...and I choose to be healthy and stable and to not let him influence me in any way. THAT helps quelch my angry little fire before it gets out of control! My best revenge is knowing he doesn't affect me any more...because I won't let him.

anger

Guest — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 12:04:26 -0400

I do think this is a

Guest — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 09:14:17 -0400

I do think this is a delicate balance- anger. You of course, have every right to be furious with Levi- he's an ass (to say the least.) The thing about anger that concerns me, is that it gives the person or situation you are angry with a whole lot of power. And giving others the power to decide how you are feeling is a scary thing. I believe that being in therapy is one of the steps to getting through this anger...( and California is actually a really great state!) CM

Good Luck

elainemarleneforbes — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 01:00:55 -0400

with that whole letting go of anger thing. Obviously you are not angry at California. You are angry at him and California reminds you of him. Or it reminds you of you getting the short end of the stick on some bargain. Being honest with yourself about your anger and who you are angry about might be healthier then letting it work its way out in inappropriate ways.

I do

Guest — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 16:40:30 -0400

I realize my anger bubbles up when other things in my life aren't going right...if I've had a hard day with the kids (doesn't happen to him, since he's the non-custodial), not being able to pass recent tests (he only had to concentrate on his studies as he had me to watch the kids and take care of the house), being unsuccessful at job hunting (change of careers in mid 40s, yet he was able to secure his job 20 years ago.) I know it sounds like the 'blame game'....I just envision his life so much more carefree than mine.

The Secret to Letting the Anger Go

Faith Eggers — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 16:00:36 -0400

I went to my therapist last week (as I do every week) and for some reason she asked me, "Why are you here, what do you hope to get out of therapy?" I pretty much thought we had already established this but I guess she was just checking.

I told her that my ultimate goal — with regard to therapy — at the moment was to let go of the anger. I feel at times that I am so angry that it is holding me back. You wouldn't know it to look at me, either. You might not even know it if you knew me. I'm generally a pretty happy, social, outgoing person. Or at least that is the way I appear. Underneath all of that is one pissed off chick.

I am so angry with Levi (for obvious reasons) and barely a day goes by that I don't at least have a fleeting moment of rage toward him. Sometimes, if I get on an anger "roll," I can be distracted by it for hours.

This is a problem. I need to let it go, accept what he's done so that I can get on with my life.

Anger sucks. Especially when he's not around for me to take it out on.

She suggested that I write a list of things that trigger my anger. I did it, and my list is absolutely ridiculous. In fact, this is probably the only forum where I could share my list and not be looked at funny or laughed at.

Here's one of the triggers I put on my list, just so you can get an idea:

Anything to do with the state of California, especially in the winter — I can't stand that I'm shoveling my car off, probably while holding my baby, while he's sleeping in sunny California.

Do you understand what I'm saying about it being ridiculous? I actually hate the entire state of California, just because he's there. I'm rolling my eyes at myself.