firstwivesworld - Blended Families: Recipe for Disaster? - Comments

This certainly doesn't sound

Guest — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 09:21:47 -0400

This certainly doesn't sound like the Brady Bunch. I think it's best for you to be there for Molly. She came to you for advice and support, and it's a slippery slope as to how much you should intervene- especially if her Mom is less than concerned about her daughter's feelings. Hopefully, Molly's Mom will try to include her children as much as a caring Mother would and should and stop being so damn selfish. Yes, it's her "day", but I believe you give up the total right to be selfish once you have kids. It's called Adulthood. ( I think it also speaks volumes about you and how great a Mother you are that Molly sought out your help) CM

Thank you for this

Wanda Woodard — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 10:22:53 -0400

You're right. By listening, I am helping. And sometimes that is what we can do to help. Thanks, Cathy, for reminding us all that "listening" is a big part of helping others.

You say no one is doing

Cathy Meyer — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 10:06:42 -0400

You say no one is doing anything to make the situation better but that is not true. You are doing something by listening to Molly and validating her feelings. Evidently, the mother is stoic and unapproachable so thank goodness Molly has found the opposite in you. You are doing far from nothing by allowing her to vent to you so give yourself a pat on the back for being someone willing to offer a young girl what she needs at such a hard time in her life.

Ambivalent

Wanda Woodard — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 09:23:28 -0400

Faith and Justice Seeker, I'm not sure what to do. And I have found that in life, when you don't know what to do, sometimes that means you should do nothing. I think if the mother were a "warmer" type person I might consider speaking to her, but she's very cold and stone like. I feel for Molly, so I think I will just hang tight. Faith, you would never have this type of problem -- you are too loving and giving.

Just Listen

elainemarleneforbes — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 01:18:50 -0400

This seems like watching a train wreck in slow motion. I certainly don't approve of the mother but I do not think you can help this girl by speaking to the mother. The mother is well aware of how she feels. If you report back to the mother about what she is saying then she has no one who can listen to her concerns and be on her side. Children don't get to pick their parents nor their step parents. ......................n the other hand maybe it will all work out.

Sheesh

Faith Eggers — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 10:09:02 -0400

That is a tough one. 5 kids!! Wow. Well, this is your daughters best friend...I'd just be blunt and come right out and say something to her mother. Something like, "I think you should know.......etc." I wouldn't attack her, just let her know you're trying to be helpful. I know tha tI would appreciate it if someone brought something in regards to my child to my attention. Good luck. Faith

Blended Families: Recipe for Disaster?

Wanda Woodard — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 09:22:20 -0400

My daughter's best friend's mother (got that?) is getting remarried. The young lady, we'll call her Molly, is quite unhappy about it and has spoken to me about it seeking support and comfort. This is tricky.

I've told Molly that though she disapproves of her mother's choice, the man does make her mother happy and her mother does deserve love. Molly does not disagree with me about this but tells me that the man is inappropriate with her mother when she is around, touching and fondling her mother, she says.

The groom-to-be has five children from his previous marriage(s), and though his children are with their mother(s) most of the time, summer vacations and holidays and every other weekend, this will be quite a blended household.

She is concerned because they will eventually sell their home, and she and her sixteen year old sister will be moving into another man's house and will be constantly interacting and living with five other children.

Wow. What can I say to this?

Blended families are kind of like mixing different recipes together. The result will not be one or the other but some kind of new creation. Whether or not this new creation turns into something that everyone can learn to live and hopefully be happy with is the responsibility of both of the adults.

Unfortunately, in this case, the man is feeling a bit threatened by the step-family's attitude, and he doesn't seem to want to do anything to encourage faith and trust for Molly and her sister. The bride to be is feeling protective of her marital choice and defensive when it comes to her family's feelings about her upcoming nuptials.

Consequently, no one is doing anything to make this better. If I knew the woman and man better, I would recommend family counseling, but I'm pretty sure that my advice would not be welcome.