firstwivesworld - The Good Husband Myth, Shattered - Comments

My cousin's first husband

KarenC — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 16:23:16 -0400

My cousin's first husband was a cheat. He was cheating on a wife when they were dating, so one might argur how could she expect their marriage to be different. And he is a nice guy for the most part, with an obviously big character flaw. Years after their divorce when he was known to be cheating on a later wife another cousin ran into him and asked him why he kept marrying when he couldn't be faithful. He said he liked being married. So why cheat? I still don't get it.

Congratulations

elainemarleneforbes — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 23:27:45 -0400

You should be congratulated on calling your brother on his poor behaviour. Social norms are only social norms if other people call them on it. When we marry we invite all of our friends and family there to witness our vows. Why do we do that? Because we know we are weak and we want our friends and family to help us get through the bad times without breaking our vows. Your brother broke his vows but worse yet he did it in a publc way. This is insulting to his wife just as much as cheating. i think there were segments of society in the past where men were not faithful and this was tolerated as there was no divorce. We have the right to choose who we marry and how long we stay married. With great freedom comes responsibility. Does he have children and would he want his daughter treated the way her treats his wife. .

That is a great question . . .

Guest — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 16:35:34 -0400

That must have been hard to find out about your brother. I do not know why guys who are definitely planning on cheating when married even bother to do so. So that they can have their cake and eat it two? I don't know. My grandfather (my mom's mom) cheated during each of his five marriages (and the 2nd-5th marriages all came from cheating on the previous ones. However, I DO NOT agree that all men do that, as I know several who have never and will never do that. And, you made me laugh when you stated "running around poking random women" as that is literally what they are doing. I am sorry that his wife is still married to him. I hope it is only because she does not know. If she does, I hope that she will find the strength to move on to a man who will treat her with the dignity that she deserves.

The Good Husband Myth, Shattered

Megan Thomas — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 14:43:03 -0400

A few months before I got married, my brother came to visit. We thought it would be fun to have a night out on the town.

Sidenote: My brother is two years older than me and we have always been close...he's my hero, and I always thought of him as an ideal man. I think a lot of little sisters idolize their big brothers, and I'm no exception.

The evening started out as a lot of fun. He and I and a few friends went to a popular dance club and had a few drinks, and after we all hit the dance floor it wasn't long before I realized I couldn't find him. I headed upstairs to the other dance floor to see if I could find him and there he was, kissing some random woman.

A describe her as "random" because she wasn't his wife. His wife — my sister in law — was back in our hometown, having missed the trip because she had to work. Yes, this woman on the dance floor kissing my brother was indeed random, and I didn't know quite what to think about the whole situation.

I stormed up to him and yelled, "What are you doing?!" Anyone who didn't know the situation would have thought I was his wife with how enraged I was. My friends didn't understand why I was so angry. After all, boys will be boys, right?

This was way more than my brother cheating on his wife, although that did indeed tick me off. What really freaked me out was that I was about three months away from getting married, and the guy who I thought was a great example to all other men was shattering my illusions right before my very eyes.

I yanked him off the dance floor and demanded, "Tell me now...is this what all guys do?" He replied with, "Yeah, every guy does this." It wasn't until I burst into tears that he hurried to add, "Well, not guys like your fiancé. He's different. I can tell."

He was trying really hard to placate me.