firstwivesworld - Solitude - Comments

Getting over the loneliness

Guest — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 21:24:46 -0400

Just when I think I'm starting to get lonely on a solo trip, someone comes along to perk up my day or meal. And, just when I start to feel a bit stifled by a traveling partner, an opportunity arises to step out on my own or to meet new people. Your Greece trip sounds fabulous and I'm sure you'll have a great time together! Beth Whitman www.WanderlustAndLipstick.com

Alone not Lonely!

Christiane — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 12:17:10 -0400

I am so glad to see someone else thinks this way! The most incredible thing about being single after 18 years of marriage is that I DO like being alone - especially when traveling. The ability to walk out the door of a hotel in one of the world's beautiful cities and randomly choose where to go and what to stop and enjoy and where and when to eat...priceless. Just being alone with my own thoughts is amazing! However, striking a balance between protecting this time and letting others into my world is a constant source of wonder to me. How much alone is too much? What is reasonable to expect? On my journey, I am trying to just evolve, hoping that if I am mindful, someday the perfect balance will meet me. Enjoy Greece!

Traveling alone

boldlygosolo — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 11:08:06 -0400

When traveling solo versus with traveling with someone, you trade loneliness for irritation! Potentially, of course. Neither is guaranteed. Traveling with someone can be difficult, I agree, once you've tasted the freedom of following your whims. For those afraid to travel solo, are you afraid to go to the museum in your town alone? To a cafe for lunch alone? To the supermarket? It's no different out of town. Don't invest too much emotion in the alone part. Focus on the excitement of seeing the world and get yourself out the door. You will surprise yourself. And perhaps love solo travel.

Travelling alone

elainemarleneforbes — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 00:40:48 -0400

Good for you on travelling alone. This is something I have not been able to do successfully in the six years since I have separated. I feel so lonely when I am attempting to travel alone. I feel like I am the only person in the world who has no one to travel with. Plus I just do not know what to do. All my life travel has been about figuring out what my companion would like or what would be educational for the kids. I can't figure out what it is that I want to do. It took five years from when I separated to be able to know what I wanted to watch on t.v. As a child we had one t.v and I wasn't much of a t.v. watcher. My mom and my brother used to fight about what to watch but if my father wanted to watch something like a news report that was the end of it. the I moved from home to be with my husband. He controlled the controller absolutely. When I separated I would flick the channels and think "this is a good show" Then I would think how do I know it is a good show. Well my husband liked it or my son liked it or I thought it would be educational. I decided I needed to use t.v. to relax and so I would think what is the lightest show on. Not what will I enjoy. And so I would practice and flick between two shows and try to force myself to come to an opinion about which I liked. It was five years before I knew what shows I liked. I was out with some women and one asked me what kind of men I liked " I said with shock but quite sincerely " I have just figured out what t.v. shows I like" When I try to travel on my own I find myself thinking "my friend Ann would do this" My children would like this. My (ex) husband like this. Then when I try to force myself to think "What do I want to do?" then I see everyone else is in couples or family groupings and I think "What is wrong with me that I have no one?" Hopefully I will have this sort of confidence soon.

It speaks volumes about a

Guest — Sat, 31 May 2008 17:43:14 -0400

It speaks volumes about a person when they go out on a limb and try something uncomfortable. Good for you both- I hope Greece is a positive experience for both of you. CM

Solitude

Alice Brooks — Sat, 31 May 2008 15:00:00 -0400

Over the past year and a half or so, I've gotten very comfortable being alone, doing things alone. Some things, I've found, are better by myself. I've come to like my own company. I've found that I prefer the quiet, prefer solitude.

Traveling, for example. That first trip alone, to Wales, was very much a ‘well, no one can stop me from doing this, so I'm going to do it to prove I can' kind of trip. It turned out, a lot of that trip was marvelous because I was alone. I like traveling alone. I like not having to worry about other people's preferences, comfort, plans. I like eating when I want, stopping when I think something is pretty, sitting on as many strategically placed benches as I want. And I am a sucker for a strategically placed bench.

How, I've been wondering, will I do traveling with someone else?

In June, we'll find out. June marks one of those relationship milestones — going on a trip together. Mike and I are going to Greece for two weeks.

After having been in a relationship for so many years with someone who did not want to go places with me — too expensive, ‘just wanted to stay home', whatever really lay beneath that — it's startling, a little, to be with someone who wants to do this with me. Startling, but wonderful.

At the same time, I wonder — how will this be? I've learned how to do this alone, how do I learn to do it not alone?

I suppose it's the same as getting into a new relationship, in many ways. You get comfortable being alone, living alone. You start to really enjoy that feeling — the being surrounded by only your own stuff, your power over your surroundings, the never needing to compromise. Figuring out, little by little, how to let someone in.