firstwivesworld - Erasing My Ex - Comments

Replaying memories

elainemarleneforbes — Wed, 21 May 2008 01:52:44 -0400

There is actually a drug that can remove the emotional response to memories but I do not know whether they would ever use it to get rid of the memories of a spouse. Your memories seem to be happy and for that you should be grateful. When I told my husband were were expecting a child our first son his response was "you get pregnant to easy". I don't recall his response to the next pregnancy. You must be young. The problem with the concept of the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind if it were a possibility that it would wipe out most of the lives of many of us. We desperately do not want to believe that we did not waste our lives or make a huge mistake in staying in inadequate marriages and sift through the memories trying to find good spots and meanings.

I wouldn't want to forget

bargee — Tue, 20 May 2008 16:08:30 -0400

..even though sometimes I can't bear to remember certain things. If our worst memories were erased we'd probably be doomed to repeat our worst mistakes. And that's something I'm going to try to avoid. (That was a great movie, though!)

I would not erase my past.

Wanda Woodard — Tue, 20 May 2008 13:05:13 -0400

Wow. As odd as that seems, I would not want to erase the memories, the good or the bad. Somehow I feel that each step we take, each mistake we make and each thing that happens to us shapes us and moves us forward to our final destination or understanding of the human condition. It's like I talked about in that post about fantasizing an untimely death of the ex -- how I burned pictures and threw papers away, but the pictures of him with our children, I kept. No, I would not erase the memory of my ex, Faith, but if I could erase my pain, yep. That I would do.

Erasing My Ex

Faith Eggers — Tue, 20 May 2008 09:10:38 -0400

I recently attended a lecture about the workings of the human brain, specifically in regard to memory. During the lecture we were each asked to think back at to our earliest memory, then we were asked if we were seeing ourselves, as if looking at a picture, or if we were looking out, like we see things every day. Everybody said that they were seeing themselves.

Apparently this is because in order to keep a memory we must replay it over and over again, transferring it from one brain receptor to the the following. If you are seeing a memory as a picture, that is what your brain has done. I find all of this completely fascinating.

And of course, it got me thinking about Levi. What if I could just get rid of all of the memories that I have of him? Wouldn't that be fantastic?!

I find that the things I remember the most — the memories that really stick out — are not the "major" ones you'd think. Not the wedding, not the first "I love you," not the first kiss. They're the small, sometimes silly things.

I remember I told him that we were having a boy and he jumped up and down like a little kid. (I guess that one is a big one.)

I remember watching him dance alone at some bar in Manhattan looking like a total fool.

I remember some of our conversations absolutely verbatim, while most days I can't remember what I had for breakfast.

In all of these memories, I am looking out. Apparently this means that they are "fresh" memories, and have not yet needed to be relearned for storage purposes.

So what if I just never relearned them when the time came? What if I made a pact with myself to somehow erase the memory of Levi from my life?

Has anyone ever seen that movie Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind? It would be kind of like that.

What if somebody told you that they could erase all memories of your ex for you? Would you do it?