firstwivesworld - Half-In, Half-Out - Comments

"Now spring is closing in on

Guest — Thu, 15 May 2008 12:23:07 -0400

"Now spring is closing in on summer, and one year is closing in on two." I think that's because you are taking the tortoise approach, rather than the hurry up and make a decision, any decision, hare approach. We all know who "wins" in that story. Take it from a hare. RBYS

It Aint Over...

Wanda Woodard — Tue, 13 May 2008 17:39:34 -0400

...til it's over, Elaina. Do not worry about the fact that you swing back and forth. As J said, the process IS the process. It took me about five years to finally leave/leave. I left him in '02, but was back with him in '03. I left him in '03, but was back later that same year. I left him in '05 and I have never been back, but, I have thought about it. The holidays and children make it difficult to do the cold turkey thing. But, I finally did do it. However, for my situation, it helps to have 500 miles in between us.

thanks

Elaina Goodman — Tue, 13 May 2008 13:01:14 -0400

yeah, it pretty much all looks like a Jackson Pollack over here. The good thing is, at least for now, I'm okay with messy. we can all only do what we can do, right? And there is comfort in numbers. Much as I don't wish this on anyone else, it's good to know none of us are alone.

You'll figure it out when

Guest — Tue, 13 May 2008 01:12:47 -0400

You'll figure it out when you figure it out, and when you stop beating yourself up about it. The process is the process, right? J

I know exactly what you mean.

Sarah Farthing — Mon, 12 May 2008 23:16:21 -0400

Half-in, half-out. With everyone telling you that the best thing to do is to make a clean break, but you just can't do it because... well... there are a million reasons aren't there? And sometimes our best just looks messy. Like a Jackson Pollack painting. But, hell... if nothing else... at least we'll have interesting memoirs. It's good to know there is someone else out there struggling with th same issues. Thanks for writing.

Half-In, Half-Out

Elaina Goodman — Mon, 12 May 2008 15:00:57 -0400

Back in December, when I started sharing thoughts here at FWW, my half-way back-on-again fling with Sam was new. We'd been apart for more than a year, sleeping together again for about a month.

I left in October 2006, but I guess in some ways I never totally left. Not for long anyway.

A week after I moved, we went out to dinner and a concert for my birthday. November was Lila's birthday and Thanksgiving. December, Hanukkah and Christmas, then New Year's.

I couldn't handle it. One holiday after another we just kept celebrating together. Apart. I couldn't say no.

I said it was for my kids, but maybe it was more selfish. Maybe it was not wanting them to be angry or upset with ME, or not wanting to miss out on something I gave away in the move.

There were a few months that winter, 2007, I went cold turkey. Saw him only when we transitioned the kids, and worked it so there wasn't time for dinner or small talk. We usually met on the fly and I was all business.

For two months, maybe three, our longest conversation was under three minutes. That was it. I was done. I was ready to file.

Then spring brought more birthdays, and slowly, slowly I went drifting right back in.

By the time my birthday rolled around again, October, we were having sex.

When this blog started, I had no idea so many other women were just as half-in, half-out as me. And I thought Sam and I would be back together by spring.

Now spring is closing in on summer, and one year is closing in on two.

I'm not sure what I'm doing.

But I'm doing the best I can.