firstwivesworld - Alice Continues To Ponder Finances - Comments

My views on money have definitely changed

Guest — Mon, 12 May 2008 09:18:35 -0400

When I was married, I could not imagine people have different accounts, as my parents' and my ex's parents always had joint accounts. I did open a seperate account for grad school so that my financial aid payments did not mix with our normal money. It served me well when he started cheating and we eventually divorced, as I automatically had an individual account to use. When I get remarried in the future, I want to have a balance between the two, so the individual stated above. The joint account to make sure that the bills are paid and there is money for groceries, gas, retirement fund, savings etc. But after that, I want my own, what I heard one woman call, "Mad Money Account" in which I have access to funds to spend on whatever I want, an expensive haircut, fresh flowers, a great pair of shoes, etc., without having to explain why and how much. I also believe my spouse should be able to have the same thing. To be honest, although things are are a lot tighter since my divorce less than a year ago, I LOVE not feeling like I have to be concerned about what someone else will say about my purchases. And, I have started my own lucrative holistic health business, which would have been a lot harder to have done while married because my ex stated that I "think too big," which I sure translates into him not supporting the business loan I have to get it started. What he doesn't know is by the end of the summer, I will be making almost twice what he is now because I took the risk to follow my passion. So, whomever I connect with in the future will definitely be someone who fully supports and celebrates my "thinking big" as I will be doing the same for him.

My parents have both

Guest — Sun, 11 May 2008 11:05:09 -0400

My parents have both separate and joint accounts and I have always thought that was a great idea. Money is a hot button for many people- including myself, and it's a delicate balance.

Alice Continues To Ponder Finances

Alice Brooks — Sun, 11 May 2008 10:00:00 -0400

Money, the image that money brings, meant a lot to Jake. I couldn't get a bookshelf or a pair of shoes without checking in first - I would have gotten a look, a comment, a day of silence. A plane ticket to see a friend for the weekend, that was out of the question. We didn't have the money to spend it recklessly.

The thing was, we did have the money. And when Jake wanted something, he would get it. He was an impulse furniture buyer. He bought a $300 humidor on whim.

He thought that, because he made more than I did, financial decisions should be his. He was uncomfortable with feeling this way, he tried to pretend he didn't, but he did.

I have mixed feelings about money. If there's not a cushion in my bank account, I get nervous. My cat might need surgery again. My car might fall apart. I want to be prepared. And, for the most part, I don't spend a lot. I don't like shopping. I don't have expensive taste in anything.

But I want to see my friends, and I'm willing to throw down for a plane ticket to do so. If I have the freedom and ability to travel, I want to do so — I might not be able to later. If that means carrying some debt around for a couple of months, so be it. I don't want to be irresponsible, but I also don't want to give everything up. So I try to balance.

I definitely have less money now that I'm divorcing. I have to watch things, especially since I have to guard against the day my settlement payments stop. But I love that I can take a class if I want to and not have to justify it to anyone. I can go on vacation. I can get a bookshelf.

I used to wonder about couples that had been together for years but still kept separate bank accounts. Now, I see the appeal. I don't know how willing I'd be to get back into shared finances. This way, I know exactly where everything is, and my choices about what to do with what I have are mine alone.