firstwivesworld - Do I Still Have Feelings for Him? - Comments

ha!

Faith Eggers — Thu, 08 May 2008 09:42:11 -0400

I know, I do it all the time!!

I should have written "OUR"

Guest — Wed, 07 May 2008 20:30:24 -0400

I should have written "OUR" brains are quite powerful! Jeez! Don't you love catching grammar errors AFTER you've posted a comment? (long sigh...) CM

It is easy to judge others-

Guest — Wed, 07 May 2008 20:27:51 -0400

It is easy to judge others- I am guilty of it. What I do find inspiring, is that each person that blogs on this site has the courage to share and be willing to accept comments in any way they come. I appreciate your blogs and that you can take criticisms from others and forge ahead. It is not easy to allow your lives to be such an open book... I am reminded of audio kind of self-help thing I listen to from time to time. The message is: "You become what you think about most often." I am not saying that we should all go out and only think of puppies and sunshine (not a bad idea, though!), but when I heard this it made me rethink how I approach negative situations and not to give the power of my thoughts to things that are toxic. I believe that are brains are quite powerful- for good or bad and that we always have a choice in how we respond - whether to a life challenging situation, or a blog, for instance! :) CM

Hey, back off of Faith, she's knee deep in it for Christ sakes!

Wanda Woodard — Wed, 07 May 2008 16:40:26 -0400

And it takes lots and lots of processing time, especially when there is a child(ren) involved. Faith, it took me THREE times and FIVE years to finally leave Stinky, and it took another year to actually NOT want to try again. Look, that man beat the crap out of me, but still, I remembered the love from the first several years. Still I looked back and reflected. You are Human, Faith. And thank God for that! I am so sorry that Levi sucks at being a father to your son. You are doing what you have to do, and if you cannot express your true feelings on this site, where can you go? Geesh! Keep the real stuff coming, Faith. We're all changing and evolving, and we all need lots of time.

Perhaps

Faith Eggers — Wed, 07 May 2008 09:40:57 -0400

I would love it if my ex's emotions were for my son. That's a nice thought, but probably not the case...I mean, he doesn't even know him.

Thanks Alice

Faith Eggers — Wed, 07 May 2008 09:39:59 -0400

Thanks Alice

Sorry.

Faith Eggers — Wed, 07 May 2008 09:39:30 -0400

I'm so sorry that I'm making you dizzy. If you're dizzy imagine how I must feel. re: Make up your mind, are you in or out of this whole thing?: I'm pretty much stuck in it right now, what with raising my son alone, and trying to get child support out of Levi, so I guess, in is the answer.

...

Alice Brooks — Tue, 06 May 2008 23:34:14 -0400

Well, goodness. How true. After all, it's not like anyone might need processing or time or support when ending a marriage. It's terribly, terribly easy to merely dismiss someone who was your best friend and life partner completely, unequivocally, forever.

And how easy it is to tell *others* to get life.

It's not indifference but acceptance

Guest — Tue, 06 May 2008 21:48:23 -0400

My marriage was over, I mean really over, when we stopped fighting and the silence grew and took. By the time I divorced my ex was like this person way off in the distance. In contrast, when my first post-divorce relationship ended, I was heartbroken and yet there was passion in that heartbreak. If I were to run into my ex-husband and his date I'd have no problem saying hello. If my ex-boyfriend were to walk by with another woman I'd get angry and want to yell and throw things. So I agree, I think there has to be residual passion to give rise to the yelling. On the other hand, for you there is another person in the mix. Perhaps your ex's emotion is not for you but your son?

Making me dizzy

Guest — Tue, 06 May 2008 19:45:17 -0400

Faith can you please make up your mind..Are you in or out of this whole thing. Get a life and move on or stay in the blog and be miserable

He may, but would you

Guest — Tue, 06 May 2008 10:14:04 -0400

He may, but would you entertain them? CM

Do I Still Have Feelings for Him?

Faith Eggers — Tue, 06 May 2008 09:20:10 -0400

Sometimes I wonder if I still have feelings for Levi. There, I said it. I suppose this makes me even more human.

Intellectually, I'm sure that I don't. I know that I literally despise what he's done to my son, and I know that I do not have any respect for him, whatsoever, anymore.

But there are moments that I'll reminisce about things he and I did together, and I'll smile. But there are moments where I still miss him. But there are moments when we are SCREAMING at each other, where I'm like, wow. You can't scream at an ex you don't care about, right? You can't scream because you're indifferent, right?

I've had breakups in the past — one big one — and I recall going through these same motions; the pain and devastation, the crying, the name calling and yelling, and then the indifference, which carries you to where you can see each other on the street and stop to say hello.

I recall going through those motions, and I extract comfort from that from time to time in a this-to-shall-pass kind of way. Problem is, these motions went much faster the first time around.

And truthfully, it's really not even me. I mean, I get it that it takes two to tango, but I don't scream at Levi. I try not to engage in arguments with him. I try not to stoop to childish name calling. He, on the other hand, can not control himself. He is incapable of a civil conversation. I cannot understand it.

I have done nothing to warrant this behavior. I have done nothing to deserve his constant verbal abuse. Yet, it happens. Yet, he acts like he hates me.

I am reminded of the boy in grade school that used to pull my hair and make me cry. Later, he told me that he had a crush on me.

No, I don't have feelings for Levi. But maybe he still has them for me?