firstwivesworld - Do Some Thinking Before Throwing In The Towel - Comments

Her 4th divorce? Does she

Cathy Meyer — Tue, 06 May 2008 14:37:49 -0400

Her 4th divorce? Does she think husband number 5 will be able to give her what she is looking for. Doubtful, if she hasn' been able to get it from the previous four. It sounds like your friend is looking for something from marriage that she isn't going to find. I would be interested in how she defines "emotional support." I agree that sometimes you do have to "stick." You have to become a mature adult and stop expecting your spouse to make you happy and cure all your problems. In some cases changing your expectations is what is needed...not divorce.

Good Point.

Wanda Woodard — Tue, 06 May 2008 11:12:47 -0400

I have a friend who is considering her 4th divorce. Her husband does not drink or do drugs or hit her or their daughter. He works hard at a job he's had for many years. They own a home. I've told her that I think she should stay with him. She says he does not give her the emotional support she needs. As much as I'm about being true to yourself. If Stinky had only been guilty of denying emotional support (which, by the way is the case with 99 per cent of heterosexual men), I would never had left him. Sometimes you have to "stick." Divorce should be your last resort. But do it when you are really ready to do it. Do not use divorce as a way to change your marriage.

Do Some Thinking Before Throwing In The Towel

Cathy Meyer — Mon, 05 May 2008 14:48:42 -0400

Are you thinking about divorce? The decision to divorce is critical, with consequences that can last a lifetime. It is a step that should be thoroughly thought out before taken.

Below are questions you should ask yourself before making the decision to divorce.

Is there still an emotional connection?

Have your feelings for your husband faded or are you frustrated over marital problems that seem insurmountable? If there are still feelings of love, you should work on the marriage before deciding to divorce. Don't allow feelings of frustration to cause you to make a choice you will later regret. If there is love left, seeking to solve problems with a marriage counselor could put the brakes on a divorce you didn't want in the first place.

Is your desire to divorce based on an emotional reaction or true self-awareness?

A true desire for divorce means letting go of any emotional attachments you have to your husband, the good ones and the bad ones. Making the decision to divorce at a time when you are overwhelmed with emotions won't solve problems. It will generate more problems and compound hurtful feelings and frustrations.

Being able to view your husband as an individual who deserves your respect during the transition of divorce is imperative. If you can't do this, the divorce process will be riddled with anger and conflict. Divorce is not an opportunity to point fingers and blame. It is the opportunity to move on and rebuild your life. The more negative your emotions toward your husband, the harder the process of rebuilding will be.

Is it a divorce you want, or a change in marital dynamics?