firstwivesworld - The Dark Side: How Teens handle Divorce - Comments

Thanks for your post

Parent Coach Susan — Mon, 12 May 2008 15:47:38 -0400

I would agree,Thirteen, is a great film. Watching movies with your teen gives you the backdrop to get into conversations that might be quite tense or uncomfortable. It gives moms the opportunity to ask questions..."What do you think of this mom? What do you think this girls choices were? Did she have other people in her life she could talk to?... Thanks Wanda, Parent Coach Susan www.parentingpowers.com Thanks Wanda, P

Excellent post

Wanda Woodard — Mon, 12 May 2008 13:10:53 -0400

May I recommend the movie "Thirteen" to all mothers with divorced teens -- my twelve year old and I watched this together, and it was extremely beneficial. She loved the film, but thought it was tough to watch. I think it really reached her. And she liked that I wanted to watch it with her. I strongly recommend this film. And, of course, Holly Hunter, who plays the divorced mom, is beyond excellent as a woman with feelings of her own. Great flick fellow FWW'ers.

Teens Divorce

Parent Coach Susan — Sat, 10 May 2008 07:17:37 -0400

Dorotheaa, Thanks for your post. This is a tough time for parents and teens. Often teens are embarrassed to show their feelings. Just being available may be enough to get the conversation going. It os also ok to assume your teen is hurting..."I know you are angry"...if they aren't they'll let you know. Susan

teens divorce

Dorotheaa — Fri, 09 May 2008 13:31:51 -0400

This is good advice, often the kids resort to their own dark thoughts and reading your article is very healthy advice for parents who are experiencing divorce. Keeping them talking and telling you what's on their minds is very important. I hope other families take your advice and understand sometimes kids have to be prodded to talk about what hurts.... Dorothy from grammology remember to call gram grammology.com

The Dark Side: How Teens handle Divorce

Susan Epstein — Fri, 09 May 2008 08:24:48 -0400

It is a common misconception that, following divorce, teenagers become more self-sufficient and independent. The real truth is that teens often times appear that way, and their parents see this as license to back off and give them too much space, freedom, and not enough supervision and family time. The real danger is that teens can and will deal with divorce in potentially much more self destructive ways than younger children.

Has your teen...

— isolated herself?

— stopped talking to you altogether?

— developed a "whatever" attitude?

— started skipping school and/or grades are plummeting?

— begun hiding evidence of doing drugs or alcohol?

Or...

— does he keep saying "Get the &%$# off my back, Mom?"

— has he pushed or hit someone in the house?

— is he showing signs of stress like: angry outbursts, talking back and swearing?

— is he so angry and so out of control that you are scared of him?

And do you sometimes wonder to yourself that he will turn into an ax murderer?

If this sounds like your son or daughter, you'll want to keep on reading...

What may look like independence on the outside (spending more time alone, needing you less, pushing you away or exhibiting assertive behavior) is often repressed anger waiting to explode. While being exhausted and depleted yourself during and after divorce it may be easier for you to buy into the "myth" that your teen is handling divorce okay and that this somehow will make him or her stronger person.

However, your teen is crying out for your help, supervision, and limits, and needs you now more than ever. If you aren't already, here are a few tips to prevent your teen from going down the path of self-destruction while getting closer as a family and maintaining a healthy positive connection: