firstwivesworld - Paying for Past Mistakes, Part I - Comments

My parents have been married

Guest — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 22:33:32 -0400

My parents have been married for 32 years and they have separate and joint accounts- which I personally think is very smart and diversified, and although their marriage has had it's share of bumps, they are still very much in love despite the separate accounts. CM

Good question.

Maya Halpen — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 18:58:02 -0400

Good question. At first, I felt like I wanted control over my own money. Then I felt like I didn't want to saddle Rob with my debt. Either way, looking back I wonder too if the commitment or trust just wasn't there from the beginning.

Just a question:

Guest — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 13:36:29 -0400

I am just wondering: why did you two decide to keep your finances totally seperate? Marriage is a partnership, it doesn't seem very fair for one member to suffer paying off so much interest even if the problem was of your making. IT doesn't seem like you were completely committted to joining your lives.

congratulations!

Guest — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 11:24:09 -0400

Being out of debt is a HUGE step. Congratulations. And, yes, going right back into debt for "first, last, and security" is a bummer, but it's a completely different kind of debt. Resist the temptation to add any extras at all to that sum and you will be fine. I still remember the feeling of paying off $20K in debt about 10 years ago. I've never gone back in. What I didn't expect was that it's scary to be out of debt--it was a weird security blanket. As long as I'm in debt, I told myself, I can't do this, that, or the other thing. But when I was out of debt I was out of excuses--what was I going to do with my time, my money, my life?? Scary. But great. Seriously, you deserve a huge amount of congratulations.

So build your own safety

Guest — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 09:38:38 -0400

So build your own safety net. Yes, easy coming from a stranger online, but build your own security. I think it's wonderful- all you have accomplished. keep going! CM

Paying for Past Mistakes, Part I

Maya Halpen — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 07:00:17 -0400

In graduate school I lived on credit, paying for everything from food to rent with plastic. I also had a British boyfriend who lived across the pond. In a couple moments of emotional desperation, I flew to him despite the costly last-minute airfare.

And when we met each other in Spain for a budgeted vacation, I used a payphone on the beach in Marbella to call MBNA in the States for get an additional $1,000 in credit to extend my trip across the straights to North Africa.

Are my master's degree and travelers tales worth the thousands of dollars of interest I've paid since? Are they worth the $180 minimum monthly payment that could have built a comfy nest egg by now? I'll have to say no.

For the past year I've been budgeting down to the dollar, restricting nights out in favor of paying down debt and saving money. My goal is financial independence from Rob. We keep our money separate, pay our own debts, and contribute to rent and household bills according to our income. I have been living paycheck to paycheck, meeting my obligations with no room to spare. Rob, who earns much more, has disposable income and is the household safety net.

Last month with a few strokes of my pen I paid off my last credit card balance. Victory! I've also I've built up a bit of savings. Of course, putting the required "first, last, and security" down on an apartment will blow all that. And in leaving Rob I sacrifice my safety net. Can't. Get. Ahead.