firstwivesworld - The Upside Of Divorce - Comments

I agree!

Guest — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 07:48:15 -0400

My parents divorced when their nest emptied, in the 40s; not an unusual time. Both went on to remarry and to wonderful people. But it wasn't that their new spouses were really more wonderful than the old, but there were things that happened during the younger years of my parents' marriage that had become like these hard nuggets of anger that they couldn't let go of. With their split and new marriages, they were able to let of their anger against the other, start fresh, and use that wisdom to build a new and stronger foundation. My father and step-mother visited me the other day and they still have this tenderness and affection, after 24 years of marriage. It would never have been like this for him with my mother. In contrast, my aunt & uncle stayed married, which we all thought was great until their 50th wedding anniversary party. At that party, supposedly celebrating their success, they were rarely together and when they were, he snipped at her and she went quiet, and this was in front of their family and friends. I think you're right, there's a time to call it quits.

exactly

Faith Eggers — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 18:26:38 -0400

My thoughts exactly. Sometimes people are such big pains in the ass that they belong together, sounds like these two are it.

Maybe this is there idea of

Guest — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 15:56:52 -0400

Maybe this is there idea of foreplay. Some people are just happy being miserable. It's true that misery loves company and it could be that no one else would waste their time with these two negative people. I'm sure it was extremely uncomfortable to witness. CM

The Upside Of Divorce

Naomi Dunne — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 15:00:00 -0400

I spent Easter at my new in-laws' house. It's always a little awkward to be there for any length of time, but it seems to have reached fever pitch discomfort levels of late.

My partner's father has recently retired. He had a fairly demanding career and was out of the house a lot. My partner's mother had almost complete control of the house, and he generally stayed out of her way. I used to think that this was a fairly unevolved way to coexist. Now they're together all the time, and I've changed my perspective a bit.

I think they hate each other. They spent the entire long weekend in an upper-middle-class level domestic dispute. Everything was an argument. Should we feed the baby now, or should he eat while we're eating? Was it his idea to go on the Caribbean cruise, or hers? Was the photo taken in Bermuda or Barbados? Should we take the recycling down out now, or in half an hour?

By her account, he had numerous affairs over the years and they almost got divorced. By everyone else's account, this is bullshit. In households like this one, though, when someone says something that is not only bullshit but extremely offensive, you don't call them on it. You talk about how the stuffing tastes good with extra rosemary instead.

In writing for First Wives World, I've encountered many people who think that divorce is a tragedy. I'm starting to think that in some cases, it's a brilliant innovation. If they'd divorced 20 years ago, there's a slim chance they could be happy now. In their case, that slim chance of happiness seems a hell of a lot bigger than the chance they have at it now.