firstwivesworld - He Does Everything Right, But I Still Need To Leave - Comments

not everything right

Guest — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 03:45:57 -0400

and for the record, yes, those are all nice things. but then there are all the wrong things, too. you can focus on whichever ones back up your mindset for any particular day. seems this day you were totally down on yourself, so it was your fault. it's not though, it's not.

This is a beautifully honest

Guest — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 03:41:03 -0400

This is a beautifully honest post, they all are. Catching up here, the last few weeks, you seem very clear. I hope you don't let those few comments here get to you, especially that last one. They don't know anything about your marriage. Sure, he's a good person, but that doesn't make him good for you. The writing, I must say, is stellar as always. J

i say, divorce him....

Guest — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 09:17:02 -0400

but i say so for his sake, not just yours. you should free him to be loved and appreciated by another woman (and he will) and one day when the pain of this divorce has subsided, he will thank you for letting go find the love he deserves.. i just hope you don't spend your life searching for what you already seem to have..... (one man's opinion)

Passion

Guest — Sat, 22 Mar 2008 08:51:31 -0400

As a counter-point, not really knowing but just reading the blogs: In my opinion, if you have a good guy who brings you flowers and takes care of you when you're sick and who loves you and who you must have once loved, why not fight for the marriage? I am not really saying there is a 'grass is greener' theme here, although maybe there is and, speaking to you from across the chasm as a single divorcee facing down the loneliness, living alone is hard, too. It's not the passion I miss so much, it's the touch. I would fight for that.

I'm coming to the same

Elaina Goodman — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 20:24:48 -0400

I'm coming to the same conclusion myself, we will never get from one another what we each deserve in relationship. I know there is no "staying in it for the kids" for me, doesn't serve the kids to have that kind of example - It's just so hard to let go of this idea that I can make it be ok.

Wow. How did you get inside

Maya Halpen — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 00:34:52 -0400

Wow. How did you get inside my life? I would describe my situation in exactly the same way. To the "tea," if you will. (Sorry for that.) One of the toughest parts is how wonderful Rob is AS A FRIEND. But someone pointed out to me recently that he is likely laying it on thick in all the little ways he knows I like since he knows I'm thinking of leaving. Maybe so, maybe not. But this interesting little take on it shines a little light on the idea that he's probably not a perfectly passive partner here. His actions aren't without motivations themselves, and as lovely and helpful as he sometimes seems, there might be a bit of strategy at play. I dunno. Just riffing. In any case, thanks for sharing. I'm right there with you.

I just want to strip myself

Guest — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 21:01:12 -0400

I just want to strip myself all the way to honest. Love that. So. Hard. So. Important. love.

I agree- he deserves to be

Guest — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 19:51:15 -0400

I agree- he deserves to be with someone who is passionate about him and the relationship. CM

wavering

Guest — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 17:26:03 -0400

my husband is great in so many ways. he massages my feet when i'm tired, he brews tea for me after dinner, he gives me a kiss when he leaves for work early. he is such a good heart, and has nothing but love for me. the only problem is that we don't have any passion in the marriage. he feels really young to me, and so many of our conversations are not significant and meaningful. he makes me laugh and is sweet to me, but in so many ways i feel like he is my roommate. there is no more physical intimacy, only hand holding and the occcasional kiss on the lips (no tongue). so for months i have been telling myself that i need to get out of the marriage before i seriously consider having children for the sake of it. but making the decision is so much more difficult than telling this person that i am unhappy and that this marriage is not enough for me. i think he deserves to be with someone who is totally committed to the relationship, and i am truly not there.

He Does Everything Right, But I Still Need To Leave

Elaina Goodman — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 11:00:25 -0400

I thought I knew what I was doing here. "Here" meaning here in my life, not here on this blog. Though they feel like one in the same these days and I just want to strip myself all the way to honest.

The closer I come to reconstructing my relationship with Sam, the further I want to run from it. He's been doing almost everything right these days, comes to my rescue anytime I call.

Paid my Internet bill last weekend when the WiFi was disconnected, even though he can't pay his own bills this month. And I let him. And I hate myself for it.

Took care of me and my 102 degree fever on his birthday when I'd been sick and broke all week. I showed up at his house with nothing, didn't have a dollar to buy him a card or the strength to make one.

Next morning he gave me flowers for Roxie's birthday, like he does. Always gives me a gift on the girls' birthdays. I couldn't get out of bed that day, but it was only half flu — the other half equal parts depression and self-loathing.

When I finally fully awakened, all I really wanted was to go home. When I got home all I really wanted was to go back to his house. Followed that misguided instinct right back across town.

Just keep circling round, restless and running on a fuel tank of indecision. Thing is, my decision's made, been made for years, and I keep refusing it. I just keep trying to one day wake up content.