firstwivesworld - "The Good Girl" Syndrome - Comments

How did you do it?

Guest — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 21:32:47 -0400

I am in the midst of my own "good girl" transition. My ex cheated and tore our lives apart, and I am struggling to figure out what part of me is really me, or if it's just that good girl thing. Did you go to counseling? I'm doing that, and I've read book after book, but can't seem to figure out what part is really me. My ex has me so convinced anytime I'm angry, or if I disagree with him, or if I'm emotional that I'm being "irrational" that I'm having a hard time knowing if what I'm feeling is real or if I'm just trying to be good. I have tried so hard to take the high road in the divorce, but even with that I wonder if it's me just trying to be that good girl again.

Letting go of the "good girl" syndrome is liberating . . .

Guest — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 14:13:22 -0400

Before my divorce, I have always been seen and acted like the "good girl," the one who always has her health, career, and relationships in line. However, when my earth was shattered from my divorce and my ex's affair last Spring, I had to go deep into the depths of pain and anger. this resulted in me being so fair from the "good girl" than I have ever been. Now that I am in such a great place after working these things through, I am so much for creative, expressive, open, and forgiving of myself and others. I also learned to value the importance of not being the good girl when the time is right, and to more fully embrace all of my light and dark, as we all have all dark and light. However, to get to this point, it was no simple or easy. One great new book that compliments the work I have done in this area is "Why Good People do Bad Things" by Debbie Ford. I first found out about her through her "Spiritual Divorce" book. Thank God for that as the peace I feel now no longer being a perfectionist and for embracing the dark parts of myself that come out from intense pain is amazing. I am no longer focused on being the "perfect good girl." Rather, I am having fun becoming the "full expression" of Julia, which is all that I am, good and bad. And, wow, is my life now exciting!

"The Good Girl" Syndrome

Michelle Bersell — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 12:00:00 -0400

Smart, attractive, talented women everywhere are falling victim to “The Good Girl" Syndrome. If you have been feeling inhibited — whether it be with regard to your career, relationships, or parenting your kids — it is likely due to unconsciously trying to remain "the good girl."

So ask yourself this…

Question: What is the adult version of "the good girl?"

Response: We remain "the good girl" every time we say yes when we want to say no. We are "the good girl" when people hurt us and we don’t say a word about it. We are "the good girl" when we totally disagree with a situation yet go along with it anyway.

Question: Why do we succumb to being "the good girl?"

Response: This happens in those times or areas in our lives where we question ourselves. We question whether we could get a better job or intimate partner. We question if we what we have to say has merit. When these things are in question, though, what we are really in doubt of is our own value. Doubt of our value can lead us to look toward others for validation of our worth. "Being good," or trying to please and meet the needs of others is is one way by which we try to achieve that validation.

Question: What impact can this have on us in the long run?

Response: Being "the good girl" can leave a successful and attractive woman struggling to find her ideal partner. Being "the good girl" can leave a strong intelligent woman stuck in an unfulfilling career. Being "the good girl" can leave this fabulous woman to in a perpetual struggle with a particular member of her family.

Question: How can we avoid reverting to being "the good girl?"

Response: