firstwivesworld - What's Love Got to Do With It? - Comments

Sounds a bit like me

spirittedsam — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 15:23:52 -0400

I grew up with out a father and a mother who struggled to take care of the three of us. I have always seeked attention and even though I had it sometimes it still was not enough. I have been married twice and still am not happy! I have been told that I hold a closed heart and will not let anyone inside. Are you finding an answer's to these questions in your life? Take care of you!! :)

you seem sad

Wanda Woodard — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 13:17:07 -0400

Julie, I think it all boils down to one thing -- our self image. Unlike you, I did not lose my virginity until I was almost 21, and if my recollection is correct, I finally had sex because I didn't want to be a 21 year old virgin. Nonetheless, I made up for it in years of casual sex, some with men whose names I don't recall. My home life was probably average or somewhere above, but I just didn't get myself or life. You sound human to me and a little sad. Keep writing, and know that we are all here with and for you, too.

WOW

Guest — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 22:30:55 -0400

are you serious?

What's Love Got to Do With It?

JulieSavard — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 07:00:34 -0500

My first experience with sex was at 14. My parents were away, I had a friend over and... well, you know.

My first thought after he'd finished poking at me while I lay there half-clueless was, "That's it?" No pain, but certainly nothing else either. The event was nothing like the flowery (and temptingly smutty) romance novel I'd found. That novel had alluded to near ecstasy. My first time was just confusing and boring.

My second sexual experience was at 16. Acting out from a home life gone crazy while my father died slowly of Alzheimer's, I screwed a lot of guys.

I was a belt-notcher. I didn't care about myself or my reputation. I made it a personal challenge to get the hottest guys to sleep with me — the ones that were out of my league. Rich kids, popular jocks, the son of important parents...

I drank a lot, I smoked a lot of dope, and I had a lot of sex in cars.

I've never associated sex with love. Ever. And with good reason. How can you throw something away and treat it so negligently if you care about it? Sex was sex. No one cared about me — why should I care about anything at all? Damned if I ever felt a thing in bed, too.

Sex was something the wrong kind of girls did. The girls who didn't care about anything. The tough girls. The scrappers. That was me. I didn't even bother to try to enjoy sex.

It's taken me years to work through my issues. They have nothing to do with men or gender confusion or anything like that. My problems have to do with finding a way to resolve that behavioral cry for attention at a time when my world was falling apart.

I wonder sometimes how different I would have been had I had normal teenage years. Would I have been more chaste? Would I have avoided booze and not even dared to smoke up? Probably. I wouldn't have needed any of that.