firstwivesworld - Split Personality - Comments

split personality

Guest — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 13:15:37 -0500

I was commenting on this very thing to a friend the other night. It feels like I have 2 distinct post-divorce personalities. They often try to operate at the same time. While I'm thinking "I want to spend my life with someone again" I immediately follow that with "I never will allow myself to be that vulnerable again!". It's very disconcerting to be contradicting yourself all the time, isn't it? I'm hoping that this is normal and will resolve itself in time. Right now I don't know what I want. You're not alone!

I think there is so much

Guest — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 18:05:15 -0500

I think there is so much emphasis on the "perfect" life that we get carried away and feel as if we've failed when it comes to relationships if we are not married, have 2.5 children, the dog, house, car, and boat! You are not alone. The grass can sometimes seem greener on the other side, but why look at someone else's life as the ultimate? Create your own utopia- that's what I'm doing! CM

I am glad I am not the only one!

Guest — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 15:28:27 -0500

AJ, I have been feeling the same way, too. I so want to believe that there are wonderful, faithful, and loving men out there. But weeding through all of the crap seems impossible. I all but want to give up. But, then I look at other happy couples and families, and I become jealous, angry, and longing to have what they have. Right now I just do not see how I can ever open up my heart again as I cannot imagine being able to survive that much pain again. I, too, do not know what to do. Every day my head goes back and forth with what to believe in, give energy to, and have faith for. It sometimes feels like all that I am doing to "move forward" really means nothing because I do not see how they can include a loving marriage and children. I do have good days sometimes, but I am often in this constant tug of war. I wish all women who are feeling the same way much peace and healing. That is all that I can hold on to right now.

Split Personality

A.J. Wylder — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 15:00:00 -0500

Sometimes I feel like I have split personalities.

There's a part of me that wants to be single forever and stay in Manhattan and just do my thing. Who wants a man in their life so they can f#@& you over and destroy what you've accomplished?

But then there's a part of me who longs for the married life I once enjoyed. Sometimes I miss the companionship and going to bed each night next to someone I love. I sometimes even imagine leaving Manhattan and moving out West to be near my family, enjoy the slower paced life and perhaps meet someone who is "real" and start a family.

I see my sister and her new husband happily beginning their life together. I see my cousin and her husband and their new little boy enjoying family life. There's a part of me that is so jealous and wants that too.

Then, as soon as those thoughts enter my mind, my other half jumps in and tells me to forget about it. I'm better off staying single. It's safer. Thanks to my divorce, I no longer have the nice home I loved and, more importantly, my credit is now shit so why would I want to subject myself to that again? There is no such thing as someone who is "real", even out West. Especially in today's materialistic and appearance-obsessed society, men are men and they aren't interested in being faithful.

And that's how my mind works. I go back and forth and back and forth. It's like I have two different people living within my body. Does anyone else feel this way?